You can pick a card any card, but you can’t pick your familiy. We were dealt our hand of kids, and we can’t exchange them. God designed and dealt each one of us parents a special child for his purposes. We have our precious children for but a season, and it is perhaps one of our greatest challenges. It requires all our strength, knowledge, wisdom, and patience.
I have so much to learn, and was greatful to hear this talk (Future Family, part 5) by Andy and Sandra Stanley. Here they share a way, not all ways, but a way that they raised their kids.
My favorite statements:
- Interview parents of families that have “done it well”.
- Three non-negotiables for disciplining your kids: disobedience, dishonesty, and disrespect.
- Constantly instill in your kids that “God has a plan for you and you don’t want to miss it.”
- Allow your kids to make mistakes and learn from them while the consequences are low.
- Two ways you can either accept or reject your kids: the words that you use, and the schedule that you choose.
- Four stages of parenting: disciplining (years 1 – 5), training (years 5-12), coaching (years 12-18), and friendship (years 18+).
- Don’t be afraid that your kids won’t like you. They may not like you now, but they will like you later when they are adults.
- Side with your children against their disobedience. Use the words “oh no!” to side with your kids. Say, “oh, no, there’s going to be consequences for that,” or “oh no, now you’re going to have to apologize. “
- The disciplining process is about restablishing broken relationships. Ask yourself, how can I discipline my child in order to restore our broken relationship?
- Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out if it’s good. Don’t freak out if it’s bad. Keep that flow of conversation going with your kids. Don’t freak out. (Read Shanti Feldhahn’s book on this.) If you overreact you will lose an opportunity to coach your kids.
- Lead your kids to understand how to intersect your faith in your decision making.
I loved this talk. Listened to it twice now, once by myself and again with my husband.
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
Wise words. All of them, but especially 2, 7 and 8.